I would like to get each of my daughters a puppy. One of my neighbors said she heard it was a bad idea to adopt littermates. Is that true? Should I get the dogs from different litters? ~ Wendy

Wendy: Don’t get littermates. In fact, don’t even get two dogs.

I think having a dog is a great experience for a child, but ideally the dog should be part of the family, not a personal pet. As the parent, you are the one taking ultimate responsibility for each dog in your household.

Each puppy in a litter will have its own personality, which means that one of your daughters will have a dog that is (pick a characteristic) smarter, more obedient, more social, less jumpy, less prone to chewing, more easily housetrained, and on and on. This could cause friction between your daughters if one perceives that the other has the “better” puppy.

Just as the puppies will be different, your daughters are too. One is likely calmer, more patient, more consistent, more clear, or gentler than the other. Many times family dogs will prefer one child over another. You really don’t want to have to explain to one of your girls why her dog actually seems to like her sister better. That’s a tightrope conversation because it can be hard to explain without sounding like you are judging your daughter’s behavior as being less worthy of a dog’s affection.

All of this is before we even address your daughters’ levels of responsibility. Will they be equally reliable? Would they prefer to do half as many dog chores by sharing responsibility?

In addition, your odds of dog-to-dog aggression issues increase when you have two dogs of the same size, age, and gender. It’s quite common for littermates to not enjoy each other’s company as adults and to sometimes behave aggressively toward one another.

All of these factors make me strongly in favor of families adding one dog at a time and giving that dog all the attention and training it needs before adding another.

Note: The writer didn’t tell me how old her daughters are, so I assigned this letter to the 7-10 age category as a guesstimate.

I am sick of repeating myself. My kids know how to behave around dogs, but I feel like I’m constantly nagging them about how they should act. I’ve even threatened to get rid of the dog! How can I make them understand? ~ April

April: Do your kids remember to use a napkin at every meal? Mine didn’t for years. They knew what was expected, but sometimes they forgot. That’s part of being a kid. Your kids may know the rules, but it’s hard for them to be consistent and empathetic.

When it comes to teaching kids how to interact with dogs, I tell parents to think of themselves as a coach, giving constant feedback (more positive than negative) and encouraging improvement. It's far more effective than nagging and a lot less frustrating too.

Will your kids still make mistakes? Yep, every single day. Instead of threatening to get rid of the dog, please choose a different consequence, like having extra chores or losing a TV show. It’s really not fair to get rid of your dog because your kids are acting like kids.

If your kids are just being boisterous and a bit clueless, spell out the rules and consequences clearly—and follow through, over and over, day after day. I’ll be the first to admit living with kids and dogs isn’t always easy, but it really is worth it.

Warning

If you have any concern that your kids are being cruel, that’s a different scenario entirely. In that case, I would recommend rehoming a dog and then also some counseling to help the kids learn more empathetic and cooperative behavior. This is a problem that must be addressed with professional support.

I rescued my dog, Benji, a terrier mix, about a year ago. At the time there were no children in the household. However I now have a 4 year old stepson, Anthony, and a baby on the way, and we are noticing some upsetting behavior from Benji.

He regularly growls when my stepson gets too close and has bitten his foot when he steps over Benji. Benji does ok when Anthony gives him treats and will do tricks for rewards.

I am unsure if I should continue to foster positive interaction or try to separate the two to be safe. We currently have Benji sleeping in his crate at night to avoid any late night unsupervised interaction.

Thanks in advance for your help. ~ Teresa

Teresa: That's a lot of change for Benji in only one year. Based on what you’ve said here, I don’t think you need to keep Benji and Anthony completely apart. Instead pay particular attention to the things that are challenging for Benji.

For example, I would prevent Anthony from ever stepping over Benji and also figure out how close is “too close.” Having a mental image of where the line is allows you to intervene earlier, before they are too close to one another.

Whenever they’re in close quarters, you can distract one or the other to add a bit of distance and extra comfort.

Try to think of their interactions as a traffic light. The more you provide help and support in the yellow zone, the more comfortable the two of them will be with one another. The trick is learning to identify the signs of stress that come before Benji hits the red zone and feels the need to growl or bite.

Ideally interactions between kids and dogs should follow the same guideline as play dates with other kids: “Always leave them wanting more!” That’s so much better than burning out and getting cranky.

Give this a try for a few weeks and let me know how it goes.